


Follow You

by The_panda_author



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 11:49:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8161126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_panda_author/pseuds/The_panda_author
Summary: Sean or Jack as his friends know him has always lived with his depression, but recently it has gotten worse. We'll follow him through a day with his depression, it'll follow Jack's POV at first then switch to Mark's. It will get kind of sad, but it has a happy ending I promise.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first ever story so helpful criticism is welcome along with any helpful hints about writing would be great.I know it seems a little rushed but a lot of ideas were flowing out when I wrote it. Also some warnings this could be triggering if you have depression, self-harm, or have suicidal thoughts please take caution while reading. Also the song I use at the end does not belong to me all credit goes to Death Cab For Cutie for making the song.

Jack sighed in discontent as he popped another anti-depressant in his mouth, though he hated swallowing pills he shrugged thinking to himself how at least they helped keep him steady. Jack finished his early morning routine as usual everything going without a hitch he sat down at his computer getting ready a video to upload for today. "Top of the mornin' to ya laddies!" ...he stopped and looked at himself in the recording not liking what he saw. Dark bags under his eyes that accentuated how tired he was and the blankness in his icy blue eyes that hid whatever emotion he was feeling, skin pale from how long he's been isolated in his damn apartment, and he didn't even dare look under the sleeves of his hoodie scared to see the most recent cuts and old scars. Jack couldn't look at himself anymore and turned off his recording quickly to avoid his own gaze. He sat there in his chair thinking trying not to let the negative thoughts overwhelm him, but yet he couldn't help himself he knew he was not as energetic as he used to be and the negative thoughts and emotions just keep getting worse. The feeling of worthlessness, sadness, and loneliness from the negative thoughts in his head swept over him like a tsunami, Jack felt the tears start to well up in his eyes he kept wiping his eyes but the tears kept coming.

 

Jack sat there for a long period of time letting the drops of water slide down his pale cheek until a skype notification popped up on his screen. Wiping the remaining tears, Jack saw that the message was from Mark as usual seeing this made his heart skip a little and made him momentarily forget what just happened, Mark had that effect on him; Jack smirked and rolled his eyes a little reading the message:

 

Mark: Jackaboy I know you’re awake talk to me I'm boreeeeeeeeed.

Jack: Mark why the fuck are you still awake it's 2 am over there.

Mark: Well, I finished recording and couldn't sleep, hurry up and video call me I've got a surprise for you.

 

                Jack sighed he didn't want Mark to see him in his current disheveled state so, he dimmed the lights in his room hoping it'd cover his messy appearance, curious about the surprise though he quickly called Mark.

 

Mark: Well about time you called me Mr. McLoughlin!

Jack: Hey Fischbach some people are busy ya know.

Of course this was said with hint of sarcasm in his voice as Jack stuck his tongue out at the ever bubbly Mark.

Mark: Don't get snippy with me anyway you ready for the surprise!?

Jack: Mark don't shout, fock! ya could wake up somebody and yes what is it?

Jack weakly smiled because of the thoughts that ran through his head as Mark pulled out what appeared to be a plane ticket most likely to Ireland

Mark: I'm coming to visit you! Aren’t you excited!?

Jack: Yeah of course Mark...

Mark: ... Jack you okay buddy? I thought you would be more excited, I’m just noticing this now, but have you been crying?

Jack: I'm fine ya doof, and no of course not, my eyes are just irritated

Mark: Jack, I don't believe that for a second...please tell me what's wrong and don't think I haven't noticed you're mood lately.

Jack didn't know what to say at that point he just stared at the monitor with a blank expression afraid to tell his best friend what was really going on inside his head he opened his mouth ready to confess.

Jack:Mark, I-I-I just I'm just so tired Mark and I've been hiding it even from ya I'm focking depressed and recently it's just gotten worse, I'm not gonna lie to ya mark, but it's gotten to the point where I've contemplated just ending it all.

Jack's voice cracked barely getting the sentence out and the tears that he thought weren't coming back stained his face.

Mark: Jack you should have told me sooner, that's it I'm changing my flight for tomorrow clearly you need someone there.

Jack: Mark ya don't need to do that I'm fine.

Mark: Bullshit! If you were fine you wouldn't be crying and I wouldn't be worrying right about now

If Jack could fall anymore in love with this man that time would be now for no one in his life cared this much about him, of course that thought just made him feel worse for he didn't know how the red-haired man felt about him except that he probably just thought of him as a best friend no more no less.

Mark: Listen it's getting pretty late, promise and I swear you better promise me Sean that you'll still be here when I wake up.

Jack noticed the tone of seriousness as Mark used his real name and sighed defeated

Jack: Okay okay, I promise Mark

Mark: Good, now I'm going to bed, but if you're feeling suicidal or anything you wake me up by any means, got that?

Jack: Yes, Mark now go to bed...and thanks for caring it means a lot me ya know.

Mark gave out a big yawn and said something quite quickly that made Jack's heart beat faster exponentially and confused at the same time, before Mark ended the call

Mark: Of course and Jack? IIoveyougoodnight!

 

             Those three little words stuck with Jack the whole day making him happy, sad, and even a bit angry. Happiness well because of the obvious, sadness jack thought probably because he meant it just as a friend, and a little anger because maybe Mark knew how he felt and was just playing with Jack' emotions, but the last one couldn't be possible, due to the fact Mark just was not that type of person to pull something like that. Though Jack realized sadly that even if Mark did like him in that way, he'd never be good enough to Mark and he came to the conclusion he probably didn’t mean it, his mind drifted from those three words to more evil thoughts; A peek inside Jack's mind at the time would show how he really felt about himself, the never-ending feeling of worthlessness was there always by Jack's side like the plague and this was the reason Jack never stayed in a relationship for long he never felt good enough for anyone. Besides that the loneliness that he made up in his head was crippling he thought he had no one and it killed him a little more inside each day and caused those tears to gracefully fall every night.

 

The sudden onslaught of negative emotions all at once was too much for Jack to bear he had to feel something other than this some feeling he could be in control of. Jack walked as fast as he could to his bathroom and shut the door and pulled up his sleeves revealing old scars marring his skin and new deep cuts blazing a deep red color compared to his paleness. Jack took out his old razor still shining silver from how well he took care of it. Jack gingerly brought it to his porcelain skin before he could do it, Mark flashed in his mind and at this Jack muttered to himself “I’m sorry Mark I really am.” Slowly he dragged the sharp razor across his skin creating a new slash to the canvas of his body spreading the scarlet paint down his arm, He breathed in letting the pain overwhelm everything else, but yet he wasn’t satisfied. In a mad frenzy with clouded eyes Jack went on a rampage on himself cutting everywhere and as deep as he could not wanting to feel anything except this. Before he knew it he couldn’t stop the bleeding and it was coming at an alarming rate, Jack calmed down and realized maybe this was for the better this way he wouldn’t be a burden on anyone anymore and he wouldn’t have to feel any other emotion he could finally rest and with that thought in mind he smiled for the first time in a while. He could feel himself fading with his last bit of strength he decided to leave a text for Mark.

Mark’s POV

Mark awoke in the late afternoon after staying up so late with a funny grin on his most likely because he’d see his best friend soon and that he finally admitted to Jack that he loved even if it was rushed he just hoped Jack would believe him. With Jack in mind Mark decided to check his phone and text to see if he was okay. Mark could see there was one new text message from Jack, he opened it to read what Jack said the first two words sent dread through his heart. Nervously he read the rest:

Jack’s Note

“I’m sorry Mark, I’m sorry you said to call you or text you if I was feeling bad, but I didn’t want to bother you and be a burden. I have so much to say and so little time I can feel myself going in and out of consciousness. Mark I know you didn’t mean it when you said you loved me you were just trying to make me happy, but did you know I loved you ever since the first day we met. I fell in love with the floof you called your hair and your cheeky smile and your dark brown eyes that I could stare in forever. You know I always daydreamed about us like the couple from UP we could have had an adventure together I loved you that much Mark. God I’ll miss you so much Mark I’m feeling so numb right now, but smiling and crying because of you, I love you so much Markimoo goodbye.

Mark’s POV

Mark dropped his phone and fell into a heaping sobbing mess, he knew in his heart his little Irish man was gone for good with that he cried even harder.

A few weeks later things have not gotten any easier for Mark he mourned every night for Jack, also his friends even Bob and Wade couldn’t get through to him and his fans were worried because he stopped making videos. That night Mark sat at his computer holding back tears as he watched a few of Jack’s videos especially those where Jack was excited to meet and hang out with him. Mark looked horrible his hair unkempt, eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep and crying, and clothes he’s worn for the past few days unchanged. Mark decided to listen to music in his bed and cry himself to sleep as usual, laying down he whispered to himself “I miss you so much Jack.” He laid there in quiet till he turned on some music and the first song and verse hit him like a ton of bricks.

_“Love of mine someday you will die, but I’ll be close behind, I’ll follow you into the dark”_

                Mark sobbed into his pillow as the first string of words stabbed him straight into the heart. As Mark listened to the song he knew what he had to do, Mark ran downstairs and grabbed all the pills he could find and quickly swallowed them all.

_“The time for sleep is now It's nothing to cry about Cause we'll hold each other soon”_

Mark found this line fitting for what was currently happening as he felt the pills take effect he could feel himself almost drifting off to sleep he could see blue eyes meet with his and the green hair he always loved and that smirk he always enjoyed seeing

Jack: Ya just couldn’t wait could ya doof?

Mark: How could I you know how much I love you.

As Mark got closer to his impending death Jack grabbed his hand and smiled at him

Jack: Well, I think we’ll be very happy where I am we can go on so many adventures.

Mark: I love you

Jack: I love you too

_“I’ll follow you into the dark”_


End file.
